The first, and most important, thing that you need in a relationship is two people who want to be in a serious relationship. If one partner is more serious about the relationship than another, then you can forget changing their mind. If a person isn't ready for a serious, monogamous relationship then there's no point in putting in the effort if they aren't prepared to put in just as much effort. And don't bother putting in 50% of your effort. A relationship isn't 50/50...it's 100/100. If you put in 50% and your partner puts in 50%, then neither one of you is putting in all that you can.

So. Let's say you've got all the pieces - a man/woman who adores you. Both of you are prepared for the long haul - to put in the effort that it takes to make your relationship work. Your personalities mesh, your interests are similar, but you have enough differences to keep things interesting. You all know about the "honeymoon" phase. Those first several weeks or even a few months when everything is perfect. You can't say enough good things about him/her and have nothing bad to talk about. What happens when the honeymoon is over?

First of all, all of those things that you found cute or endearing about the other is going to become annoying. It's inevitable. You think that him leaving the toilet seat up is no big deal. He thinks that the sound you make when you chew your food is adorable. Guess what! You're going to hate that he leaves the seat up and he's going to become irritated with that sound. But why? You didn't care before that he left the seat up. And he loved the litte chewing sound. Is it that you've gotten comfortable with each other and now you want the little quirks to change? That just isn't realistic.

Here's some realism for you: If it didn't annoy you in the beginning, you have no right to complain about it now. You knew that he left the seat up. He knew about your chewing noises. These are small, trivial issues. This is a problem. People become so involved in the small trivial issues that they stop having fun together. Women become overly jealous and possesive. Men become too relaxed and tend to put on an attitude of not caring. Some men become overly jealous or possesive. Here's what you need to do: Either trust him/her the way you trusted him/her in the beginning or get out now. And acting differently once you get comfortable with each other is a no-no.

There's nothing wrong with stating your expectations for a relationship right from the beginning. Make it known the things that you want and expect. Ask the other person what they want and what they expect in a relationship. Be honest, caring and understanding. Some men think that these traits are parallel to being a pansy...not so! I have the most amazing fiance ever. He's rough and tough and mean (a drill sergeant in the Army). But at home, he's kind, caring, understanding, patient and funny as hell! He knows what I expect of him as far as our relationship is concerned and I know what he expects of me. And we actually work at meeting and, many times, exceeding, those expectations. Because we love each other. We want to be together. Without the desire to be together, our efforts would be pointless.

Now, my relationship is fairly easy for a few reasons. He and I have known each other for almost 17 years. We dated in high school, went our separate ways as adults but remained best of friends. Being best friends and knowing a great deal about each other helps tremendously! He and I also have very similar interests. We both enjoy the same activites, sports, food, television shows, etc. We adore just sitting on the couch together and watch tv. I could be working on an article or doing something completely separate...we're just happy to be together.

We do, however, have times when we need to compromise. And we do it well through open communication. I have 4 children and he has 1. We all live together. Luckily, he and I are right on the same page as far as rules and discipline. Recently, I had expressed to him that I was unhappy in my job and would like to be home more for all of the children, to pursue my Mary Kay career as well as trying my hand at writing. While he was agreeable, his concern was also that we have two pay checks coming into the house. So our compromise was that I work 20-25 hours a week to supplement our income and I would still have time to pursue my business, writing and educational pursuits. He's happy with the outcome and so am I.

He actually enjoys providing for our family and I enjoy helping while still having the freedom to pursue other interests of mine. I enjoy taking care of my family at home. But all of these decisions took communication, patience and compromise...because we want to have a life together and we want it to work. I don't think there's any other way to make a relationship work unless there's a lot of hard work involved. And, honestly, it doesn't even feel like hard work if both parties are on the same page and actually want it. Just remember...don't make it too hard for the other. It makes for feelings of resentment and a lack of desire to try. Especially when one's efforts aren't appreciated or acknowledged. Which are two more key's, aside from open communication, honesty, and compromise. Appreciation and acknowledgement.

I've heard couples, friends, who act as though their life together is a contest. "I work more hours so I work harder". "I have this type of job, so I work harder". No. A contest this is not! Your job isn't more important or more difficult than your partners job! You're equals. You have a life together, possibly with children. You both need to work, in what ever field you're in, and provide for the family...together. It's a partnership.