When I was 20, I met a man that lived 100 miles away from me. I would visit him on weekends and he would visit me. It was crazy for me to think that it would go anywhere. We couldn't even talk on the phone very much. We were into different things and I had a son. We dated for 4 months before I realized he was not for me. Long distance just wasn't for the two of us.
When I met my fiance, it was over the internet and he was working for an oil company. We talked on the phone every night and got to know each other very well before we met. We had talked for a month when he came home to switch jobs. He was only going to be here for the weekend. He called and asked if he could take me to dinner, and of course I said yes! We spent most of the weekend together. He left 3 days after we met and we have been "together" ever since. The only reason I can think of the we lasted with him out of town 4 weeks at a time is that we were meant to be together. The both of us have decided that we have to trust each other to be loyal and that nothing is going to get between us.
Now I am not saying we havn't had our differences. I am just saying that we love each other enough to work it out. Him being gone is really hard on the kids and I. He doesn't always understand me and I don't always understand him. What I had to learn was if I didn't understand him, I needed to clarify. That is one of the most common mistakes in a long distant relationship. Don't take everything the other says in bad context. What you may get from a comment or suggestion may be totally different than the way the other person meant it. Make sure you
clarify everything that may come across as mean or degrading. Most of the time, the other person is not trying to start a fight.
When you are away from someone you love and miss, it is hard to feel you are together. Describe your day in detail. Every little thing counts especially to the person who misses you. My everyday chores are a big deal to him. So often I would tell him that I wasn't doing anything because I didn't think laundry was doing something. It was just something I had to do because it wasn't going to do itself. Then I realized he thought I just sat around all day while he was gone, which was very funny to me, I am busy all the time with 3 kids 2 dogs and fish. He now understands when I am tired and want to go to bed at night, and he has more of an underdstanding of what my life is like without him here. It may sound silly to do, but in the long run, the other person will appreciate what you do and who you are.
My fiance and I had to learn to communicate about everything. Finances was a tough one. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he wanted to know about every penny I spent. I felt like a little kid getting in trouble for taking my daddy's money. I came to understand though, that with him not being here to see what all I have to pay for he couldn't figure out where all the money went. He was use to being the only one who spent it.
I guess that the whole long distant relationship thing comes down to talking about everything. The stuff you feel is ordinary is not ordinary to the other person. They want to know what you did and how you did it. They want to know how you feel and what made you feel that way. The two of you can be close even if your miles apart. Have fun, live life and love!
