I said my vows for the first and last time on January 10, 2009. I love my husband with all of my heart and know that our marriage will last because Christ is the glue that holds it together.

In today's society, emotions hold more importance than commitments. Everywhere you turn, decisions are justified not by fact but feeling. The trouble with this overly indulgent stance is that feelings are transitory and change with each passing day. Couples that vow "for better or worse" really mean "for better or better." It is only during the tough times that the strength of a commitment is tested.

Ironically, many couples believe that a "trial marriage" can be simulated through cohabitation. However, as in most cases, the man and the woman have conflicting goals for this arrangement. The woman believes that this is just a precursor to an engagement ring. He is being conditioned for the "next phase." To the man, he is already receiving all the perks that come with marriage minus the commitment. There is no motivation to get married.

On the other hand, there are plenty of cohabitating couples that make it to the altar. According to Bride's Magazine 65 percent of couples live together before getting married. Unfortunately, the story does not end happily ever after. The Boston Herald observes that research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. The tragic flaw of cohabitation is that it has a built-in escape hatch. Couples who cohabitate have one foot in the relationship and one foot out from the beginning. It is this soft roll-out of marriage that allows couples to slip right into a divorce.

An increasingly popular theme for filed divorces is "irreconcilable differences." In this type of divorce, no one is at fault or to blame. Reasons cited could be anything ranging from personality differences to "irreversible antagonistic feelings." There's that emphasis on feelings again. In effort to be politically correct and tolerant, the truth is expertly concealed and dressed up with legal jargon. It would be much more difficult to sign a legal paper that said, "Broke legal commitment of marriage to God and to each other because you just didn't feel like being married anymore."

One of undetected reasons for divorce has been a reversal of roles in marriage. Please understand, marriage is a mutual partnership. Although each role is equal, it is distinct. The Bible clearly lays out what these roles should be in order to have a successful marriage. The husband is endowed with the responsibility of being the leader, protector, and provider. He is to love and respect his wife just as Christ loved the Church. The wife is to submit to the authority of her husband.

The controversy emanates from a perverted distortion of these roles. Husbands that have abused their role have belittled and patronized their wives. However, without love, there is no authority. In response, over the years, women have fought desperately to break out of the role of submission. Contrary to popular belief, women that assume the role of leader, protector, provider, home-maker, and mother are not always happy. Principles of the Feminist Movement have shaped women's minds to believe that their self image is a direct result of "having it all." The truth is women who try to breast feed, excel in a full-time career, and have dinner on the table at night just end the day exhausted and in tears. This does not in any way shape or form mean that women are not supposed to reach their full potential and pursue their dreams. They just don't have to feel like a failure if they cannot juggle it all. The problem with the Feminist Movement is that instead of liberating women, it has enslaved them by establishing unrealistic expectations.

Pre-marital counseling is a valuable tool to abolish unrealistic expectations upon entering marriage. Important values and lifestyle preferences such as having children, how they will be raised, religious beliefs, and financial expectations are laid on the table. Differences that inevitably emerge are addressed with conflict resolution and communication techniques. According to the National Directory of Marriage and Family Counseling, pre-marital counseling can reduce the risk of divorce by up to 30 percent.

At the end of the day, love and commitment will keep a marriage together. Each person must understand that when reciting marriage vows, God is in the audience. It is not just an utterance to soon be forgotten, it is a daily renewal wrapped around sanctity and determination.

Tags & Keywords : marriage, commitment, divorce, emotions, relationships, counseling