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She Looked At Me.
Jimmy Selwyn is man of few words. He knows it.
He grew up in a considerably normal home and always had good relations with his parents, his brother and his two sisters.
Jimmy went through the whole school process as a regular kid, never attracting attention, maintaining a few close friends, staying out of trouble, and never having a girl.
He always considered himself a sort of outcast, a loner despite having close friends, and above all he considered himself totally incapable of ever starting a relationship with a girl.
At first it was just shyness, he couldn't approach and talk to the girls he liked (and he liked quite a few), but he thought that was just how shy guys are. He was definitely not the only one having trouble talking to girls. It is very common, in fact, among teenagers.
When he was nineteen, he started studying graphic design in an institute (not his favorite area, but then again, he didn't have one). This is where he met Lauren Woods.
Developing a crush on a classmate was nothing new, it was getting old, actually. But Jimmy felt something different this time (or so he thought). From the first moment he saw her he decided she was the most beautiful he'd ever falling in love with. Now, he realized the corniness of it, even the term "falling in love" might not be accurate, but the truth is he liked this girl more than any other before.
He saw he everyday, he saw her talking to other classmates. He felt jealousy whenever another guy would talk to her. He would feel even more jealous when another guy talked to her and she smiled.
Jimmy was never a very optimistic guy, so he decided not to approach Lauren simply because he couldn't. What is this girl gonna see in him? Is she all of a sudden gonna love him and marry him and give birth to his children? Jimmy and Lauren happily ever after? Maybe in a movie. Not in this life, though.
As days and months passed, Jim
my realized he was maybe right after all. Lauren never showed any special interest in him, no exchange of glances or anything that could make him think "Maybe this girl likes me back".
Jimmy was used to rejection, in a way, since he'd never actually been rejected. But he thought being ignored was business as usual. He didn't feel particularly bad about never being able to talk to Lauren, because he knew his whole life will always be this way. Jimmy is never going to get married, he's never having any kids. That's just the way it is. There is no twist in the story. Not in Jimmy's story.
What did annoy him was the fact that he still liked her. After a year and a half studying in that graphic design institute, he was convinced he would find another girl to fall for, but he kept thinking of Lauren all the same.
He thought about talking to her, but he never found courage, if he had any. He knew he wasn't a hero and he would never be. His only option was to continue his existence the same way he'd been doing since he could remember.
Eventually Lauren dropped out of the institute and Jimmy finally could feel some relief. He wished he wouldn't fall in love ever again.
Jimmy did as he was told (by himself) and continue to live his uneventful life until he decided he couldn't any more.
He saw two options. Make a big change, grow a pair and start over, taking chances and finally start enjoying his life. It's not like he didn't enjoy it at all, but the amount of things he didn't like was highly superior to the amount of things he did like.
Option number two was pure and simple terminate it. End it. End what? Well, everything, he thought. Isn't that the point?
Jimmy ended everything when he was twenty-six. He did it the only way he thought he could, take a lot of pills and go to sleep. On the note he left he only said he was sorry but that everyone should have seen this coming.
No big legacy, no memorable quotes or great stories to tell about him. Pretty much the same as when he was around.
Jimmy Selwyn is dead. He knows it.
He grew up in a considerably normal home and always had good relations with his parents, his brother and his two sisters.
Jimmy went through the whole school process as a regular kid, never attracting attention, maintaining a few close friends, staying out of trouble, and never having a girl.
He always considered himself a sort of outcast, a loner despite having close friends, and above all he considered himself totally incapable of ever starting a relationship with a girl.
At first it was just shyness, he couldn't approach and talk to the girls he liked (and he liked quite a few), but he thought that was just how shy guys are. He was definitely not the only one having trouble talking to girls. It is very common, in fact, among teenagers.
When he was nineteen, he started studying graphic design in an institute (not his favorite area, but then again, he didn't have one). This is where he met Lauren Woods.
Developing a crush on a classmate was nothing new, it was getting old, actually. But Jimmy felt something different this time (or so he thought). From the first moment he saw her he decided she was the most beautiful he'd ever falling in love with. Now, he realized the corniness of it, even the term "falling in love" might not be accurate, but the truth is he liked this girl more than any other before.
He saw he everyday, he saw her talking to other classmates. He felt jealousy whenever another guy would talk to her. He would feel even more jealous when another guy talked to her and she smiled.
Jimmy was never a very optimistic guy, so he decided not to approach Lauren simply because he couldn't. What is this girl gonna see in him? Is she all of a sudden gonna love him and marry him and give birth to his children? Jimmy and Lauren happily ever after? Maybe in a movie. Not in this life, though.
As days and months passed, Jim
Jimmy was used to rejection, in a way, since he'd never actually been rejected. But he thought being ignored was business as usual. He didn't feel particularly bad about never being able to talk to Lauren, because he knew his whole life will always be this way. Jimmy is never going to get married, he's never having any kids. That's just the way it is. There is no twist in the story. Not in Jimmy's story.
What did annoy him was the fact that he still liked her. After a year and a half studying in that graphic design institute, he was convinced he would find another girl to fall for, but he kept thinking of Lauren all the same.
He thought about talking to her, but he never found courage, if he had any. He knew he wasn't a hero and he would never be. His only option was to continue his existence the same way he'd been doing since he could remember.
Eventually Lauren dropped out of the institute and Jimmy finally could feel some relief. He wished he wouldn't fall in love ever again.
Jimmy did as he was told (by himself) and continue to live his uneventful life until he decided he couldn't any more.
He saw two options. Make a big change, grow a pair and start over, taking chances and finally start enjoying his life. It's not like he didn't enjoy it at all, but the amount of things he didn't like was highly superior to the amount of things he did like.
Option number two was pure and simple terminate it. End it. End what? Well, everything, he thought. Isn't that the point?
Jimmy ended everything when he was twenty-six. He did it the only way he thought he could, take a lot of pills and go to sleep. On the note he left he only said he was sorry but that everyone should have seen this coming.
No big legacy, no memorable quotes or great stories to tell about him. Pretty much the same as when he was around.
Jimmy Selwyn is dead. He knows it.
Tags & Keywords : relationship suicide depression anxiety social love
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