Divorce is a decision that’s very hard to deal with for everyone involved, especially the children.  It’s an extremely sensitive issue for a couple or a family, and can be really difficult for all the parties concerned, not only emotionally, but “physically” as well.   

This is particularly true for the children. It can be the most difficult time of their lives, and they need to have the right help to properly cope with the situation.  They must recognize and understand that their parents’ divorce isn’t their fault.  The children must also know and feel that both their parents still love them despite the separation.

Parents will have to work really hard to put aside hard feelings and anger towards each other, and sit down together to make arrangements that are suitable for them and the children.  This will be less painful and much easier for the kids, than having the court decide for them. Here are some helpful guidelines to help your child cope with divorce:

Reassure them
A most common feeling a child gets when parents get divorced is the idea that it’s their fault and that the parents no longer love them.  This can be too hard an emotion to carry for a child, so both parents must reassure their children that it was never their fault and that their love for them hasn’t change.  Let them understand that the both of you will still be there for them and that will not change.

Don’t put blame
Divorced parents should never put blame on each other when talking with the children.  Don’t criticize the other in any way.  It’s very important for children to feel and recognize that they still have trustworthy and dependable parents that will care for them.  Let them understand that the divorce was a “mutual” decision and the both of you tried to avoid the ending.

Don’t give false hope
Sometimes, parents try to make their child feel better by giving them false hope –the thought that they’d still get back together as one big happy family.  It is important to make the child be aware that the both of you will not be getting back together, nor will the situation go away.  This way, they can begin to accept and deal with the situation earlier, rather than be tied up in the past with false hopes.

Tell them about changes
While parents need to reassure their children that nothing has changed on how much they love them, it’s important to let them know about the changes that will soon be occurring.  Give them a clear idea of where they’ll be living, as well as the assurance that they’d be able to see the other parent anytime they want.  

Give the right information
It’s important to provide the child with “right” information and not too many details.  The one thing you wouldn’t one for them is them worrying or feeling anxious about something that’s no longer their concern.  They need to feel at ease with all the information you give them, and let them have enough time to adjust to the idea of their parents divorce.

As parents, the both of you should still keep the values and help your children in the best possible way you can.  The divorce should not be kept a secret, and the kids must be the first to know about the decision and what’s going to happen.  Try to let them know even before one party moves out, so that they ‘d have some time to deal with it, as well as be able to ask questions.  

Helping your child cope with divorce is vital factor to avoid personality dysfunctions in children.   Preserve their self-esteem, and assist them in overcoming the negative effects of divorce in them, so that they still maintain a positive attitude towards relationships.